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The strugle
door Katrien Cornelis

The strugle
I'm almost there,
At the beginning of my fight.
As soon as I start it,
It'll never end.
It's a fight for life ,
That fight of mine.
A fight of many,
But also mine.
And a hard one,
The most difficult , And the longest,
I値l ever have to fight.
If I don't ,
I値l die.
Maybe not immediately, But at the end,
I値l die.
I admitt,
sometimes I want that,
But I know,I think things like that,
Also as a part of my illness.
As the part of myselve,
That's been possesed by a beast,
And the more I feed the beast, The weaker I get.
The weaker I get,
the stonger gets the beast.
The beast now is strongest,
I am no longer in controle of specific actions.
Eating and suffering,
Hurting and confusing,
Those are the parts the beast controles.
My body is weak,
my soul is too.
I don't understand,
How I can prefer this,
Above facing my feelings.
But I do.
I' m afraid of losing my eating,
My life,
myselve.
Because I am eating,and eating is me.
How can I force back,
Me?
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